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march

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sunday, march 17th

2343 hours

weeks of procrastination. an hour of inspiration. two hours of frustration. and i end up raisinbunbread.

red takes the cake tho. he's fuckingservershitigiveup.

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monday, march 18th

0127 hourss

first lesson of the day:

listing 300 mp3 titles in a shot can comatose you

 

0147 hours

this page still looks like shit but i'm moving off to watch Lord of Illusions anyway.

 

0203 hours

i feel hopelessly incompetent.

in order to function as an efficient human i shall need the latest Apple IBook

i am currently on

Pentium 1, 166 MHz, 32 RAM

and left with 904MB

 

1058am

this ain't bad for less than half a day's work at all. currently blasting britney on my player. that's right boys and girls i listen to britney! spare me the pop princess bull becos fact is - she's the excellent product of choreography + composing + mixing + marketing + image. you name it she has it. and that's why madonna adores her. and for all the work her team puts in, screw the mainstream cliche. she's worth at least the decent attention of music pirates like me.

 

there's nothin like sittin down to a good website buildin session and compiling your mp3s for posterity and never quite finishing the compiling until almost 10 hours later that makes you realise exactly how much shit you actually have laying around your desk. if i could make a buck off every song i have i'd be... a hundredaire. the soul-searchin also made me realise that i have one CD that's completely and utterly redundant. and also when you look at my mp3 list my website looks like a goddamn american flag.

 

1136 hours. i have been awake give or take 16 hours. and dammit i still look like an american flag...

QOTD

*** Nazyra has quit IRC (Quit (Destiny is not a matter of chance,it is a matter of choice.It is not a thing to be waited for,it is a thing to be achieved.))

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monday march 18th

1923hours

the trouble with being a nocturnal is... you go to bed one day and you wake up again the same day. and then when you write a journal entry it looks redundant.

<pAdi> u mite wanna check out javascripts later..i mean reaaallll later ..

<aMeL|e> i think i shall cater my site to the lowest common modeminators

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tues march 19th

<Philosofi> dolphin is the only animal which do sex for pleasure
<Philosofi> ducks practise rape
<Philosofi> female chimps prostitutes to get mo foods from the males
<Philosofi> rats and horses can't vomit
<Philosofi> pigs cant look at the sky

interesting the things you didn't know you didn't know eh? meet luthfi by the way.

recommended songs of the day

diana krall - maybe you'll be there; lovage - stroker ace; maxwell - submerge

recommended website of the day

 

sentiments of a friend.

<aMeL|e> do u have anything u would like to contribute to my website?

<fRestsLp> ANA IS A KUKU
<fRestsLp> ah put tt ah

meet zu.

start feedback - britney entry

<fL3a> SWEET MERCY

<fRestOut> yea la
<fRestOut> kanina
<fRestOut> unforgivable

end feedback

<phabs> ana
<phabs> when was the last time you slept from 12am to say 9am

fabian tan, lousiana mississipi kentucky alabama US of A. heh.

ok Penn Uni. what was it fabian - philosophy? he actually philosophises when he's drunk.

 

0556hours

my nails are raw. the smart [read: stupid] cockroach landed itself in cold soap-water when it dived into the soapdish to escape the niagara falls of my pipe. then it clings for dear life on my sponge. the fuckin sponge we're sposed to wash our dishes with. so i end up washing the dishes with that hard rough green thang. can someone tell me wot it's called? it left my nails absolutely raw.

 

QOTD - *** TaRaBaS has quit IRC (Quit (He who is humbled will be exalted, and he who is exalted will be humbled))

 

2146hours

compiling a must-watch movies list. must-watch out for it.

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wednesday march 20th 0328 hours

whaddaya know the movie page is up. check it out here.

or you can click on that smart link in the red compartment.

or you could also click here.

0409 hours

no no! don't click them yet!! they're all screwy. i feel like strangling geocities. but... what's a free server without fuck-ups eh?

by the way, i spent like half an hour uploading all the movie thumbnails. it could've been five minutes but no. geocities had to limit my uploads to a max of five in one go. bastards.

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thursday march 21st 1212hours

finally they're all up. they look babelicious if i do say so mahself. i have not officially slept for about 29 hours now. but i shall be fifty bux richer in some days to come. but i shall make zero profit because the bills never get lost in the mail and computers they never crash at M1. only in residential homes such as mine. let us not speak too soon. i had one hell of a time completing a 3 minute task in one full hour. my PC it decided to teach me patience when it deliberately hung a few consecutive times and took an average of two minutes to process every input of my typed fonts. it is giving me my break now. thank you PC. i acknowledge i am thy slave.

today i was a female delinquent. i cheered on a fight between primary character and very secondary character. i suppose that made me tertiary character. i have learnt that it is the hardest to act happy, sad or scared. but anger is the easiest emotion to master, onscreen or otherwise. so is arrogance and nonchalance. perhaps i might write a monologue for myself documenting all my pent-up anger brought about by being raised in a stable household with responsible parents. it is traumatising not to be traumatised.

i have added a new link called write me. especially useful for when you feel this whole website has been a complete waste of your unimportant time and wish to tell me so. it is also useful for when you completely adore my newfound sense of conceptualising but only wish to write in to curse me anyway because you are egoist/proud (please delete wherever applicable) and will never ever let a [fellow] female of the species know your true feelings. either way i'll know because i am psychic and my powers extend beyond the PC.

i have succeeded in rambling today congratulations and celebrations to me.

i am very happy today also because i was briefly reunited for about 8 hours with a very old girlfriend of mine. we spent much of our pre-formative (read: primary school) years together romping around the libraries and walking around bukit batok. at 12 i thought we had a sense of purpose but jus now tini/pen (if you are reading, please delete wherever applicable) remarked that we were goofy dorks who really had nothing trippy to do after school in primary 6. but i did not feel like wearing a paper bag over my head. firstly because i do not have one. and secondly... you're just never really embarassed around her. or maybe that's because there weren't any guys around. let's be sentimental and stick with the former. hor tini/pen hor hor?

if you're still reading at this point you would've noticed by now that my writing prowess sure kicks ass doesn't it? that's right - and now you can write me and tell me allllllll about it.

0123 hours

the kitty page has been updated. please click for the latest in feline furwear.

i realise i am beginning to lose precious space in my red bar. it would only be logical to sacrifice the dictionary links and move em somewhere else. but no! i shall never sacrifice the humanistic sage-old need to consistently expand our vocabulary!

[my vocabulary is very limited actually. i jus try to make it all up by sounding quirky. is it working?]

note: if you are looking at this right now have you realised yet that this page looks like the american flag? if you have not, my keen powers of hypnotism shall erase this sentence from your mind so that you shall carry on not noticing.

 

 

note: if you are looking at this right now have you realised yet that this page looks like the american flag? if you have not, my keen powers of hypnotism shall erase this sentence from your mind so that you shall carry on not noticing

 

is it just me or do i suddenly have this bountiful burst of verbal energy. is it verbal? i have not written in so long my vocab is everywhere cept inside my head. no of course this is not verbal energy it is... written energy. how about writing energy? how about typing?

ah shaddup ana! 31 hours awake. i am tired i am hungry i am sticky and i am naked.

almost. hah. gotcha.

*** yucilia has quit IRC (Quit (People are like crayons.It's not what colour they are.It's the pictures they make.)

 

1646 hours

before my collaspe last night i shamelessly advertised via email. it worked. helo aktar! thank you for your compliment [insert jpeg smiley face]

note: www.google.com for jpeg smiley face

had a weird semi-sexual dream that included suspended architecture and lots of height. and windows and chinese ghosts and zombies.

knife - anger; Symbol of attack and emotional injury. If you are attacked by a person wielding a knife, work to identify the attacker. Is the attacker someone you know, or a memory of a painful experience? Knives often hold phallic allusions, and may be symbols of sexual assault. Rooms full of knives indicate a “house full of pain.” Using a knife in self-defense reflects confidence in one’s ability to defend oneself.

windows - Eyes; A point to focus upon a particular subject.

crying - Release of emotion not related to the action in the dream that caused the crying. Regaining emotional balance.

spirits or ghosts - Connections with another world. Fear: You need to address your fears about death or of the unknown. Vivid images of family members contain messages for you. Spirit images of loved ones try to console those they left behind. Negative spirits challenge you to address your fear, chase them away and you won.

 

last night in the bathroom i discovered the soap-dish cockroach still lives. he is lying in wait to exact his revenge on me. i can feel it. he is patient. he is mapping out his diabolical plan. i do not know why it is not enough for him to know that in a nuclear war he will survive while i shall perish.

........

 

 

oh no! that is it! the soap-dish cockroach is working out a plan to walk all over my food while i am away at work (read: updating cyber-quilt online) !!

 

moving away from SDC, i am currently feeling s p a c e d o u t. not mentally but emotionally. i conclude it was from my extensive google research into the deeper meanings of my dream. the windows still intrigue me. and i've not chanced upon a meaning for the suspended room we were in. no i do not know who the guy was. but i was in love with him. and he was hot. actually i do not remember how he looked like. did he have curly hair? would any of you care to help me jog my memory?

recommended song of the day

eva cassidy - fields of gold

 

girl of the day + word of the day

<fL3a_work> cottoninny

sadie-jane alexis nunis. now repeat that five times as fast as you can.

start FEEDBACK must-watch space

<opiate> cos if i were a loser...i wouldn't know these movies by their posters..
<opiate> cos their titles are too small to read anyways
<gRLscOUt> ok see now
<gRLscOUt> i wanted to add them tag things
<opiate> i was tempted to my amelie going at 16.99
<opiate> rite
<gRLscOUt> like when u point the cursor at em the title comes up
<opiate> that would help alot
<gRLscOUt> but i thought tt would've insulted the intelligence of my audience
<gRLscOUt> ok. i'll do that then
<gRLscOUt> do them lil tags
<opiate> well u're supposed to cater to the lowest common denumbinators to
<opiate> too
<gRLscOUt> shucks

end FEEDBACK

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friday march 22nd 1248hours

my thoughts on long-distance relationships

<gRLscOUt> ya lor. tak leh jumpa thus tak leh romen

red's last words for the evening

<opiate> it's always good to have one foot bigger than the other
<opiate> the one in front that is

 

i have once again, figured out another user-friendly dreamweaver command. if you ever do visit the must-watch space again (and please do continue visiting because if you don't that means you think it's complete and that must mean you think i am daft because you think i think that that's just it to my must-watch movie list and i'm not daft because i know there are gazillions more must-watches out there i just need to collect an image and a few quotes and they'll be up), please feel free to click around the thumbnails. i'll be putting up their most memorable (or deservingly memorable) quotes.

as of now, the first memorable quote is available for retro/introspection. click on trainspotting in the classics. yes i know the cursor doesn't change into a finger. no i don't know why. no i don't care either. if you have deserving quotes that you feel should be immortalised please do write to me. please also write to contribute to the must-watch space. actually, please just write. thank you.

oh yes a poem page is coming this way. i almost completely forgot about it until reds mentioned it. he's become my audience-cum-secretary-cum-feedback. ain't that sweet? thank you reds. so if you have poems you'd like to contribute,... well my email link is all over this page. full credits of course. unless specifically instructed.

 

0135 hours

i am now currently working on naming this page after my appointed secretary pointed out to me that "untitled" sounds cold. it has been 10 minutes and mister raisinbunbread-index still refuses to be named.

0220 hours.

still untitled!

<gRLscOUt> anyway its cool to be untitled
* gRLscOUt tries to comfort herself
<FrEeEk_85> u're compromising greatness
<gRLscOUt> ...
<gRLscOUt> thanks for rubbing it in

that is reds again. so those weren't his last words. i should've known. he makes it a habit to say goodbye and then pop in again. i would not want to be his daughter who is in a relationship and is happily appreciating her time alone at home with the boyfriend after the parents leave for perak.

 

0335 hours

i was cooking myojo like 5 minutes ago and i remembered this one guy i chatted with who asked if i had a website. so i pointed him here. and he went to look and came back and said "hey, there's nothing about you there."

i can't think of a more self-absorbed activity than posting your thoughts online. so here's the interesting question of the day - what constitutes a projected image?

 

i try to have my maggie with an egg. but i figured myojo chicken with an egg would be redundant.

guide to better living tip # 1

things to say to specific questions

<gRLscOUt> how nice is it
<opiate> it's nice

kodak moments

<swOOp> we were smoking shisha
<gRLscOUt> and u didnt invite me?
<gRLscOUt> terrible
<swOOp> i am arent i
<gRLscOUt> r u still high?
<swOOp> am i suppose to be high
<gRLscOUt> i dont know. are you?
<swOOp> noope
<swOOp> its just fruity tabacco

meet zai. we've officially known each other for more than two years now. but then he went and disappeared on me (according to him i dont remember though). but this morning of all mornings he decides to log on. and i decide to be the original grlscout. so he came to me like it was the most normal thing to do and went "hiya." and i thought i'd choke.

almost twice in a row i meet old friends. sorry if this entry ain't too flipping funny (i apologise too if this whole site isn't flipping funny which it probably isn't but i'd like to think it is), but there's nothing like a mental time-warp that literally spins you off on an emo-trip. not teary-wailing emo... just really reflective.

so how did we summ up the two years? i don't know we still haven't. but he promised he'd write.

 

Azalea is siren@adsl176.dyn214.pacific.net.sg * Frailty thy name is woman

 

1230 hours

i was sitting on my toilet bowl and it just suddenly struck me.. [actually no it didn't suddenly strike i was daydreaming about total independence in the most obvious form of independent residence with a girlfriend specifically tini/pen remember her? and THEN it struck me] - i must be just about the luckiest girl-woman alive in jurong west.. screw jurong west, SINGAPORE today. i have an amazingly playful sometimes prone to mood-swings, crazy girlfriend from way back to when i was 7. i have a sweet-natured, most times prone to bitchiness, opiniated, silly, crazy girlfriend from when i was 13. and i have two amazingly ambitious, intelligent, anything goes, never-say-die, crazy girlfriends from when i was 17 (notice the common thread yet?). and that has jus about summed up my social circle to date. and they are all i ever really need where girlfriends are concerned. dreamy init? but true.

this must be the nicotine rush. i zipped through four sticks of stale malboros sitting in the middle of a hot friday afternoon sipping magnolia's chocolate milk and i was thinking about getting a bike and a career and a life. and i was thinking about how much i wanna go back to primary school fuck the dorky hair and childish innocence. but that's it! i wanna return to innocence and stay there i don't care about staying a virgin forever because back then it was only to the husband and no one else and if i was gonna remain forever 11 then boys and guys and men and dating and careers and education and life-altering decisions will never be able to touch me. i would be free.

and walking home i just realised that the block directly across the road to mine is tattooed 484. and beneath my block a mynah chick hopped around on its premature stunted legs trying to stEER clear out of my way. and walking up to my place my favourite stray was still lazing under my neighbour's bicycle. and in my head ran all these random thoughts of the things i'd include in this page on the friday afternoon of march 22nd.

and there is so much that i wanna say but i can't string my thoughts together because my fingers are trembling and my back is aching and i'm just slamming in whatever comes first to mind. and so please forgive this rambling. i am high on life.

 

and i am slowing down. and my neighbour's brats are back from school and shouting at the top of their voices and running around stamping their feet and i feel like throwing the door open and flinging a shoe at them.

i hate my neighbour's brats.

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saturday march 23rd

0034 hours

first lesson for the day : <fRestOut> how to forget ppl u been in love wif?

apparently men do not forget either.

we're not so very different you and i. we both hurt, and bleed, and laugh and cry. but you with your show of machismo, and i with my feminist pseudo; and so we fail to connect in the most commonest of all languages - the baring of the soul.

do you truly believe we're as far apart as mars and venus?

 

the most considerate mail in all the world.

start mail

From :
"MoD BeatZ"

To : undisclosed-recipients

Hi all,

Zu

end mail

 

i spent the last remnants of my daylight hours compiling some quotes. you can check them out in the must-watch space now. the bordered posters are clickable. be patient esp if you're on 56K. multiple clicking will result in alt+ctrl+dlt. and we all know that's heartpain-ing.

 

a good start to philosophy
<fL3a> Why do we say something is out of whack? What is in whack?
<fL3a> Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
<fL3a> Do Lipton tea employees take coffee breaks?
<fL3a> How much deeper would the oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
<fL3a> No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning.
<fL3a> If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
<fL3a> If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

 

recommended song of the day

eva cassidy - somewhere over the rainbow

 

EPILogue to friday march 22nd

<opiate> just discovered something cool bout yer website
<opiate> if u hold on to the scrollbar
<opiate> and go up and down up and down real fast
<opiate> the colours go by real quickly and beautifully nice
<opiate> sort of like looking into a kaleidoscope
<opiate> during an earthquake
<opiate> :)

 

the creativity of Australian transmission

<fL3a> now i'm watching fish
<fL3a> in a tank
<fL3a> wow
<fL3a> todya not bad
<fL3a> got 3 on tv
<gRLscOUt> interesting
<fL3a> they play music
<fL3a> and all u see are fish in a tank
<fL3a> then later on (nite)
<fL3a> 3-4 hours of shows
<fL3a> and back to fish
<fL3a> by 12
<fL3a> i saw one fish DIE
<fL3a> 10 minute transmission
<fL3a> LOL
<fL3a> farnie siah
<gRLscOUt> LOL
<fL3a> it just floated
<gRLscOUt> knn
<fL3a> then rite..
<fL3a> they changed it
<fL3a> we saw nothing but a blank screen
<fL3a> and when it caem back on
<fL3a> not bad ..
<fL3a> nice new more hyper fish
<fL3a> it floated for a while though...
<gRLscOUt> eh den when the fish float u got see a hand dipping in and scooping it up anot?
<fL3a> no lah
<fL3a> i think they turn off
<fL3a> it took them a while to realise it's dead
<fL3a> last time worse ah
<fL3a> sometimes
<fL3a> no fish
<fL3a> so u look at the rocks and the plants
<fL3a> LOL
<gRLscOUt> LOL
<gRLscOUt> knn
<fL3a> now at least got 2-3 fish
<fL3a> surely can see
<fL3a> must be made money or something
<gRLscOUt> they should put squids aso
<gRLscOUt> i'd watch squids
* fL3a blinks

 

0608 hours

i am detoriating in front of the PC, staring at the mains of the channels. more than a hundred different nicks, a hundred different lives, a hundred different personalities... and i haven't found one for a reckless conversation. it's all the same "hi how are you what do you do where do you live". and still every night i come back for more.

i thirst for chemical X. i long to connect. i need that mental level. every single day i sit at this desk and i stare at this screen and the wordless, thoughtless monitor says hi in it's silent ambigious way. still i come back for more. but give me a cyberaddiction anyday. i'd rather waste away with the silent thoughtless monitor than in intangible, hopeless history. silent thoughtless monitors give you solitaire. intangible, hopeless histories just hang around and mindfuck you.

hello how do you do. i am fine thank you yourself? fine as well intro pls. 21f-uckedupperboredgirl-womanofthemillenium yourself? ............

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the frames make a habit of screwing up once a while. in the event this occurs, kindly refresh.

sunday march 24th | monday march 25th | tuesday march 26th | wednesday march 27th

thursday march 28th | friday march 29th | saturday march 30th

sunday march 24th 0038 hours

the only mail for the day from a lost girlfriend in canberra.

From :
Vina Aloweni

To :
<casehead@hotmail.com>

Subject :
Vina Aloweni has sent you a Postcard!

Date :
Sat, 23 Mar 2002 08:55:53 (GMT)

Hi,

I just sent you a postcard. You can view your postcard by visiting...
http://www.australianpropertynews.com/collect.asp?postcard=13630cp&id=pc

When you view my postcard you can enter this fantastic competition...

WIN a luxury holiday to Melbourne,
including 2 AIRFARES from SINGAPORE
& 3 nights in a suite at Crown Towers, Melbourne's finest hotel.

If you view your postcard now, I will also get another chance in the
competition.

Good luck in the competition,

Regards
Vina Aloweni

 

Today's Weather:
Partly cloudy with chances of scattered showers
Temperature 23° - 33° C.
Humidity 65% - 99%
Haze: Low to None

Tomorrow's Weather:
Partly cloudy with chances of scattered showers
Temperature 23° - 33° C.
Humidity 65% - 99%
Haze: Low to None

Thanks to "Always Accurate" S.N.O.W - Singapore National Online Weather. Your Singapore weather forecast for the day, every day.

 

0151 hours

moods of the day - subdued. mellow.

 

0644 hours

HAPPY BELATED TO REDHA!

<pAdi> y u feel like fuck?
<pAdi> but u still owe me that poems page
<pAdi> for my b'day
<pAdi> hahahahahahah
<aMeL|e> i know laaa
<aMeL|e> hmph
<aMeL|e> dunno why i feel like fuck
<aMeL|e> i dont think i should eat milo powder anymore
<pAdi> maaybe it's the curse of that cockroach
<aMeL|e> eh yest my sis was screaming abt the soap dish cockroach in our bedroom
<aMeL|e> knn that thing
<aMeL|e> really all out to get me wan
<pAdi> hahahah
<pAdi> that cockroach is kebal man
<pAdi> must be commando trained
<aMeL|e> yea lor
<aMeL|e> stupid ugly yucky insect
<pAdi> maybe u should make peace or something

 

recommended song of the day

eva cassidy - for you

the soap dish cockroach's whore

 

2140 hours

the soap dish cockroach whore offering was an impulsive attempt to "make peace" with a malicious, revenge-seeking insect. i do not know if he has accepted my offering. i do not know where he lies. i have been out the whole day with didi but right now the last thing on my mind is a cunning roach. my gears are running full-steam. i am sitting here with goals in my mind.

goal #1 - career

goal #2 - license

goal #3 - two-wheel

goal #4 - residence

goal #5 - kitty

 

my impulsive girlfriend has officially deposited for an iBOOK.

20GB, 600MHz, CWR, VCD/DVD, G3 PROCESSOR, 14.1" LCD

all she needs is broadband and i will be... i'm sorry SHE will be home-free. i hate her. but i love her.

 

torturous refresher-course-in-life's-ironies lesson of the day - when you desperately need to go, the nearest ladies will always be at least 500m away. obstacles will always include neverending stairs, confusing topography, very asthetically-pleasing males and inconsiderate users who think that the person at the other end of the door don't really need to go because they are just anorexic bitches who either need to stick a finger down their throats or purge semi-digested solids after every single meal. but once you get through that door not even mother theresa next in line will convince you to shit supersonicly.

walking home from the station, i am suddenly all riled up to finally start making use of my youth and time. a four-wheel in future singapore will virtually be impossible unless you are the prime minister in which case by then you will be too old, ugly and bald to look stylish enough in it. so i shall have to settle for a two-wheel and this time, i shall NOT quit after the first humiliating, hot, sweaty, bruising practical. i SHALL, i WILL and i ... WILL go through with all twenty-five embarassing practicals. i shall obtain that shitty piece of laminated paper by end july. if i don't.... then by end august but please God not till i am 29.

i am in love with the iBOOK. i am in love with the iMAC. i am in love with technology. i shall live for today, tomorrow and next year. i shall get myself a kitty cat. and i shall start working on the poem page.

 

but first, i shall have to eat.

ps - i have been awake officially 24 hours now. do i detect a certain relativity tween the number of waking hours and the tooty-fruity outbursts of written enthusiasm?

 

1056 hours

the prose page is up. literary lovers, immerse thyselves.

caved in and shifted the dictionary links. they might be shifted around a bit more in the future. but they will always be, around.

*** tranx4mer has quit IRC (Quit (don't let emotions runs you high because as time passes it'll make u cry!)

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monday march 25th

0038 hours

recommended website of the day. turn your speakers up. for full effect, please also wait for nightfall.

 

famous last words (of the evening)

<opiate> yaaaaaaaaayyyy for the poems page and liverpool's 1-0 win

 

0723 hours

there's nothing quite like a nightmare to wake you before sunrise.

reading fabian's fab website resurges the urgent need to do him justice. please click on the first fabian. or on this fabian.

or just click here.

0739 hours

well obviously by now i've added new links to the top of the page. call this the fellowship of the semi-ranters if you must. it will be growing in weeks to come.

0747 hours

biggest possible scare since the 6am nightmare - realising all your work of the past week might single-handedly have been erased thanks to one single click of the mouse.

biggest possible relief since waking up - realising you clicked the wrong filename.

 

1157 hours

<pAdi> it's called delusion angel by david jewell
<pAdi> the sweetcakes and milkshakes poem i mean
<pAdi> this message was brought to u by the Conscientious Poets Society

bad news of the day - gf has opted to abort the iBOOK :(((((((((((((

 

 

thank god.

 

a much much more deserving website of the day

 

1327 hours

yesterday's overdued question of the day - where is the line between letting go and holding on?

hypothetical question of the hour: how do you live when you're 22, mothered 3 children, unemployed, living with the in-laws, hopelessly overweight and married to a fellow bum whose ambition at 15 was to be the island's biggest playboy? how do you live knowing these were the wilful choices you made at 18?

speculative answer: you attach yourself to the walls of the house, befriend the television and develop 24/7 snacking habits. on the couch. where your roots have grown into. and you deny the existence of the world beyond your common corridor.

and should you be fortunate enough not to be the voluntary inmate, can you decide how far to let go and how much to hold on to?

you embrace it the first time round and it is splendoured and perfumed and soft and plush and protective and timeless. but when it lets go it leaves you broken and bittered. will you remain so?

if and when it comes knocking again, how far do you let go and how much do you hold on to?

back to the | top |

 

tuesday march 26th

0134hours

finally ended my sunday on monday march 25th, 1645 hours. awoke tuesday march 26th 0100 hours. my hours get more and more bizarre.

dreamt i was in an airplane that never took off.

everyone's ranting about the oscars. while it was showing live on 5 last morning i was still hangin around the PC completely oblivious to the most anticipated annual event in hollywood. while it was showing yet again on 5 somewhere around 11ish i was dreaming about airplanes. so i shall be once more, the anti-conformist and refuse to discuss the hot topic of the moment.

i caught a trailer for star wars 2 on an iMAC at courts. hayden christiansen sure is hot. told didi that portman was jew and she said she knew (hey that rhymed!). am i always the last person to know? but tis ok. i shall take comfort in the fact that there are still places in the world too overwrought by plague and war to be touched by hollywood and its trivialties. like for instance, i bet a starving north korean teenager wouldn't know portman was jew.

 

current status of my brain: numb

recurring thought of the moment: cigarettas

would you believe it if i told you i'm salivating thinking about cigarettes? how completely sad and addicted is that?

 

0311 hours

i do not know how i could possibly have forgotten to include my newfound respect for marlon brando. social rights activitist for the blacks, the jews and the native indians from the 60s through the 70s. bad boy to directors and producers. friend to america's minorities. hero to me.

and i sat awed on my couch watching brando cry in the courtroom for the son who killed three people - himself, his sister and his father. just as i did watching him march through the black streets of luther king's tribute procession. just as i did watching him protest with the indians.

 

the philosophy of science

<Ferreteer> basically.....science tries to explain everything by rational means...if it can't be explained....then it's an unknown...that's where hypotheses are created...and then tested to see if it is correct
<Ferreteer> if testing proves hypothesis incorrect...then make a new one....
<Ferreteer> still there will always be things which cannot be explained...there are limits to physical/scientific observation
<Ferreteer> and the boundary beyond that we can attribute to religion or crank philosophy
<Ferreteer> philosophy of science : "nothing is true unless it is proven to be true"
<aMeL|e> very nice. mind if i paste it on my webbie?
<Ferreteer> sure thing
<Ferreteer> maybe I might want to add an addendum..."nothing can be said to be true unless it is proven to be true"
<Ferreteer> it's a more "correct" version
<aMeL|e> its also longer
<Ferreteer> I know...go with the first onelah
<Ferreteer> it's more "hip"

meet hamdan. self-professed "roombound geek who hasnt been anywhere". only next to josh harnett though. his mom buys him his nicotine fixes. hamdan, not harnett. and i'm still salivating.

 

sight of the day

ana, pirched at the window, squeezed between hifi and bed, cigarette hand swinging outside, tiptoed, chin on steel grill gap, trying to keep smoke OUT of room.

tips on smoking secretly in room

open windows. huge open windows.
fan blasted high
locked door
perked ears

stress factor 5.
once complacent, stress factor lowers to 3.
once caught, stress factor soars to 7.
at 27, stress factor should be 0.
when the mother starts buying the sticks for you, stress factor estimated at negative 23

note to audience, last social observation unfortunately only applicable to males.

 

0519 hours

i've added yet another frame unto this page of frames! it's not looking quite exactly the way i'd like it to but it will have to do. don't you jus dig the myriad of colours? when you can't be as colourful in reality you bring your insides online.

0546 hours

it's looking crazier and crazier. please someone stop me.

 

enchanting. but i would much rather be the Bratty Neighbour Kids Avenger. i am sure the courts will approve of fundings.

recommended song of the day - eva cassidy's wayfaring stranger

 

putting it all in perspective

<Ferreteer> i would feel so stupid humming a song in the mike, recording it, and sending it out
<Ferreteer> just to get a song....
<aMeL|e> hehehe
<aMeL|e> when u're a famous dj u might need to do tt one day
<Ferreteer> i doubt it...I shall remain silently anonymous....I dont do well in the limelight
<aMeL|e> but most djs arent excatly in the limlight
<aMeL|e> if u get wot i mean
<Ferreteer> oh well....maybe...maybe....i'll put it up as number 489 on my priority list then
<aMeL|e> i jus stared at the next door bratty neighbour kid
<aMeL|e> number 489?
<aMeL|e> thats one long list of priorities
<Ferreteer> after number 12....the rest are shagging women

1948 hours

jolted into consciousness prematurely once again. i've only had about 4 hours sleep. tossed around the bed the next hour trying to go back to sleep amidst the sweltering heat, and the mother's falsetto nagging. sometimes i feel like sticking pencils in my ear just so i wouldn't have to hear the daily sermons of exactly how many years in hell i've already accumulated. i surprise people in religious debates. how i do it shouldn't be a wonder.

my headache is pissing me off. i can't string coherent sentences. if i carry on i'm going to end up a selfish ranter. no thank you. goodbye for today i hope.

back to the | top |

wednesday march 27th 0334 hours

the scrollbar's getting thinner and thinner. does that mean i should decrease my material?

my sleep was wrought with dreams again. and my headache hasn't left. it's now officially pilgrimed from my left temple, down to the base of my neck and up the other side to my right. maybe it's a worm eating its way through my brain. bordering on selfish ranting again...

 

life's greatest mystery answered

<fRestOut> why do i luv drummin so much ah??????"
<gRLscOUt> becos drumming emulates the rhythmic swaying of your hips during sexual intercourse so you make that relation whenever you drum which is why you love drumming so much

sparing a poor sod his ego

<gRLscOUt> eh me and sadie checking out ozzieland's cleo's top 50 bachelors
<gRLscOUt> number 8 looks like eddie sia
<fRestOut> cb den none like me ah????????
<gRLscOUt> i havent see yet ah

0712 hours

sha's added me as a link. so now we're all effectively connected to each other. its a merry-go-round. i have dips on the pony!

the headache has dissipated. headache tip of the day - tea is therapeutic. also try to always keep a bunch of loony friends around.

hey sadie! this is wot you missed when you dc-ed!

<gRLscOUt> eh come lets cybersex since its only two of us
<fRestOut> k ah
* gRLscOUt touch touch your neh neh
<fRestOut> erm
<fRestOut> take off ur bra
<fRestOut> quick!
<gRLscOUt> eh but i not wearing any
<fRestOut> wiggle ur nipples
<fRestOut> k gd ah!
* gRLscOUt touch touch her neh neh
<fRestOut> make my job easier
* fRestOut touch his neh neh too
<gRLscOUt> oh oh
* gRLscOUt cums
<gRLscOUt> eh okie liao
<fRestOut> fuck la so fast meh
<gRLscOUt> sori ah

 

hadn't realised they were brik-ish.

1323 hours

the MTV to look out for - Mary J Blige's No More Drama

blown away by the stark nakedness of it. in that video she reminds me of my girlfriend Sabrina. who sings just as well, if not better. how often do MTVs have anything to say anyway? i once told a friend the easiest way to comatose yourself is by watching MTV. which, unfortunately, 60% of school-going singaporean kids are already doing anyway, given that approximately 80% of all households are cabled. the remaining 20% are loyal devotees of cartoon network. go ahead, ask 'em bout ireland and america and they'll reply "mcdonald's". can you blame 'em?

IMHO, the_best_pointless_current_MTV award should go to shakira and her belly-dancing antics. i mean what is she all about? i can't figure her out. she has latin roots, but she dances in arabic/turkish (someone please correct me). and blow me down she's blonde. no it doesn't surprise me, it confuses. i'm sitting here in the middle of the afternoon dissecting music videos but hey at least i have a point.

which raises a very good question - do MTVs even need a point? the answer to that of course would be yes. point number one is to entertain, as are all other vehicles of commercial publicity. three quarters of the american audience + the American audience, pay to watch the hero get the girl and the girl show some ass. i belong to the last quarter though - i pay to want to think. is that unfortunate? maybe that's where the headaches are coming from.

so if the hugest point of all media vehicle is to entertain, ytf am i ranting?

anyways to round this all off, might i introduce the website of the day. i like what she's done with it although i think the alignment still needs work. but hey it looks damn good to me.

<phabs> hows the webbie?
<gRLscOUt> its doin great
<phabs> nice
<gRLscOUt> got a whole ring thing of sorts goin on
<phabs> ring thing?
<phabs> what do you mean?
<phabs> you are in one?
<gRLscOUt> i feel like i am. i linked to pple, pple linked to me, pple linked to other pple who are linked to the pple linked to me
<phabs> bunch of links
<gRLscOUt> six degrees of separation comes full circle
<phabs> are you the weakest link?
<gRLscOUt> no way!
<gRLscOUt> i am strongg!
<phabs> ana boleh!
<phabs> (sound like malaysia slogan)

 

fucking elitism in its face

<gRLscOUt> <Arab> hi
<gRLscOUt> <Arab> intro pls?
<gRLscOUt> should i say "i dont speak to arabs"
<gRLscOUt> ?
<Ferreteer> hmmm...
<Ferreteer> shit...there must be sumthing funny to say about Arabs
<Ferreteer> http://www.script-o-rama.com/oldindex.shtml <--- get your scripts/screenplays here
<gRLscOUt> i do not talk to domestic-abusing arab dogol arabs
<Ferreteer> those camel-fucking bastards
<gRLscOUt> i do not talk to domestic-abusing camel-fucking arab dogol bastards
<Ferreteer> sweet
<gRLscOUt> now i'm developing a conscience
<Ferreteer> how UnAna of you
<gRLscOUt> its the sleep schedule
<Ferreteer> snap out of it girl!!!!
<gRLscOUt> its wrecking my entire persona

start FEEDBACK elitist

<Arab> hi
<Arab> intro pls?
<gRLscOUt> i do not talk to domestic-abusing camel-fucking arab dogol bastards
<Arab> fuck u mother fucker

end FEEDBACK elitist

disclaimer

<Ferreteer> ooh boy...I've suddenly become not so popular with the Arab guys
<Ferreteer> or I reckon that'll happen soon
<aMeL|e> ar
<aMeL|e> why u
<Ferreteer> 'cos you quoted everything on your site
<aMeL|e> LOL
<Ferreteer> u think a suicide bomber's gonna come thru my door soon?
<aMeL|e> well in IRC's witness protection program, they actually protect your identity by willing you to change your nick
<aMeL|e> anyway actually i have nothing agst arabs lor
<aMeL|e> jus goofing off
<Ferreteer> hey same here...
<Ferreteer> doeasnt exactly bring me comfort....but if they wanna kill me...hopefully they'll let me have my last cigarette
<aMeL|e> i tot u quit
<aMeL|e> u're one to crack under pressure

back to the | top |

thursday march 28th 0357 hours

what keeping bizarre hours do for you

<aMeL|e> can anyone tell me why i keep dreaming about pontianaks these days?
<aMeL|e> but not nightmares ah
<catz> hmm
<jsbach> because ur house is haunted
<catz> well it's a sign
<aMeL|e> my house not haunted la
<catz> i had those a lot when i was in simei
<catz> ana
<aMeL|e> and wot sign is tt shidi
<catz> it's not haunted
<aMeL|e> but?
<catz> it's just present hanging around
<aMeL|e> knn u're scaring me
<catz> if it is just a dream
<aMeL|e> CIBAI
<catz> it's just saying hey i'm around ..not gonna do anything to ya
<aMeL|e> WHAT PRESENCE
<aMeL|e> ARGH
<catz> no joke
<aMeL|e> ARE YOU SURE
<aMeL|e> OH FUCK

amatuer psychology

<catz> Vampires, for most people, represent powerful and evil creatures. Dreaming about vampires suggests that the dreamer may be feeling overwhelmed in some areas of his or her life and is struggling with negative thoughts, feelings, and actions. You may be currently concerned about ethical or moral issues and are experiencing anxiety as a result. The vampire represents personal attributes or negative habits that drain energy and resources or
<catz> If you are being attacked by a vampire, you may perceive yourself as a powerless victim <<---
<catz> but you were NOT attacked
<aMeL|e> so tt means...?
<catz> seems the dream means that you are in control
<catz> no matter how much negative feeling you have
<catz> you are in control
<aMeL|e> yay

*** BLuEsCat has quit IRC (Quit (it's easy to fall in love with a splendid, little mountain lion of a cat that is quite willing to fall in love with you))

 

0548 hours

reading adrianna's poetry makes me long to be sucked back into the early 90s so that (and i swear) i can start going back to libraries and devour their books whole. i wish my thirst for books hadn't quenched when i hit my teens. it's beginning to show right about these days. excellent grammar but zero vocabulary. go figure.

 

manah manah
unidentified muppet baby

doodoodoodoot doodoodoodoodoodoodoot doodoodoodoodoodoodoot doot dooooo doodoodoot
manah manah
doot dooo doo doodoot
manah manah
doot doodoodoot
manah manah
doot dooo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoot doo doodoo doot
manah manah manah manah manah nah pap dee doo dee diap pap
manananapap dee dee nanapap nananpap doo dee nanapapap
neenaneenanapap.. nanaounouhh.. ouoou.. ooouuhh..

Chorus:
manah manah
doot dooo doo doodoot
manah manah
doot doodoodoot
manah manah
doot dooo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoot doo doodoo doot

manap maa nee ma nee mab
manap maa nee ma nee mab
manap maa nee mana
manee maoeoeue!
manoeue..... ouooum?

Chorus:
manah manah
doot dooo doo doodoot
manah manah!!
doot doodoodoot
manah manah
doot dooo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoot doo doodoo doot

manenenepneeepna namanaenene
aadeeooopuouu aaeeiuaauupaoau aoua
nannenenanannaaa aaoudouoauaoua

Chorus:
manah manah
doot dooo doo doodoot
manah manah
doot doodoodoot
manah manah!!
doot dooo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoot doo doodoo doot

manap maa nee ma nee mab
manap maa nee ma nee mab
mnana mam... maep!

Chorus:
manah manah
doot dooo doo doodoot
manah manah!!
doot doodoodoot
manah manah
doot dooo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoo doo doodoot doo doodoo doot

manah manah!

old man 1: tt was wonderful!
old man 2: bravo!
old man 1: i loved that!
old man 2: oh it was great!
old man 1: well it was pretty good
old man 2: well it wasn't bad
old man 1: well there were parts of it that weren't very good though
old man 2: it could've been a lot better
old man 1: i didn't really like it
old man 2: it was pretty terrible
old man 1: it was bad!
old man 2: it was awful!
old man 1: it was terrible!
old man 2: hey boo!
old man 1: boo!

 

bumming is the philosophy of laying back and chilling, of non-materialism, of non-commercialism, of self-discovery, of creative energy, of nicotine/television/internet/music appreciation, of dictating your own sleep, and your own rise, of insomnia, of seizing discontentment and crumpling it into a paperball, of collection and recollection, of introspection, of retrospection, of observation and formulation of the world we are separate from, of decision-making, of thought, of cutting and pasting the mozaic of life to fit all the little bubbles of emptiness, of getting down on all fours and feeling the cool tiles on your cheeks, of hanging by the ledge of your sanity, of ambivalence, of disgust, of longing, of parallelism, of comparisons, of accidental inspirations, of strangers that come and peek and then go, of strangers who sometimes reach out and touch you, of boredom and exhaustion, of wide-open mindfields, of excessive dreaming, of psychological fabrications... and of slowing down, of curling up, and of finally drifting to sleep.

 

1100 hours

Anya's Bell broke all the stereotypes. in the summer of 1949, we see a white single mother, struggling to raise her lonely son, who makes a bestfriend out of a blind black woman.

1303 hours

ford's best performance is still richard kimball.

back to the | top |

friday march 29th

0204 hours

i dreamt about strangers, friends, and some food. but nothing about a ponti. she has officially left the building.

<phabs> i've gotta have kaya now
<phabs> for the rain is falling
<phabs> get up and turn i loose
<gRLscOUt> tt's bad grammar
<phabs> tt's bob marley grammar

0345 hours

nothing much happening here at all. this shall go down officially as the most uneventful night of the week. the only difference being that geocities is down.

maybe that's why. it's uneventful cos i can't feed my ego by knowing my literary hogwash is up for everyone to see. gawd this is boring.

geocities has been down officially two hours now. two fuckin hours of virtually no updates from me. how will my audience survive?

0353 hours

FUCK YOU GEOCITIES!

0356 hours

oh i know why. it is because today is a good friday so it is an international corporate holiday which means all the corporate shitheads are either getting pissed drunk (finally on a thursday night), or once more sprawled in front of a miserable PC tryna paint a more vibrant life for themselves online. and so THAT explains the jammed servers.

FUCK YOU CORPORATE MOFOS!

 

My Alanis Morissette Lyric Generated Lyrics!

"I Think"

I Think soap are really a huge problem
I Think dish are too much on my mind
I Think cockroach have got a lot to do with why the world sucks
But what can you do?

Like a blue rain, beating down on me
Like a ana jumari line, which won't let go of my brain
Like asswipe mofo's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on soap dish cockroaches
Blame it on soap dish cockroaches
Blame it on soap dish cockroaches

I Think revenge are gonna drive us all crazy
And drowning make me feel like a child
I Think spit will eventually be the downfall of civilization
But what can you do? I said what can you do?

Like a blue rain, beating down on me
Like a ana jumari line, which won't let go of my brain
Like asswipe mofo's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on soap dish cockroaches
Blame it on soap dish cockroaches
Blame it on soap dish cockroaches

Like a blue rain, beating down on me
Like asswipe mofo's smile, cruel and cold
Like ana jumari's ass, it is in my head
Blame it on soap dish cockroaches
Blame it on soap dish cockroaches
Blame it on soap dish cockroaches

 

You Are Gilbert From "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" You are very giving and self-sacrificing. You're always there to lend a helping hand to family and friends. However, this generous nature often robs you of fulfilling your needs and desires, and may cause you to become resentful. Find a way to balance your kindness with your independence.

my mother will resolutely disagree. hell I resolutely disagree. but at least i look better than hamdan's scissorhands harhar.

0515 hours

knn. it's times like these i wish i was a "blogger". but 3 times out of 5 blogspot fails their blogheads. so i guess i really should forgive geocities their occasional public holidays. MNCs should invent better things for their corporate whores to do on international-fuck-ourselves-no-work-tomorrow days.

0536 hours

i have effectively erased my entry in this here spot because, in addition to being full of expletives it was also over-indulgent. i shall now start calmly waiting for (fucked-up asswiping mofo-ing) geocities to re-pair the im-paired server.

0554 hours

scourging_around_in_the_kitchen_for_food_in_the_wee_hours_of_the_morning lesson # 1 - if the packaging is plastic and clear with no brand or ingredient list attached, chances are the walnuts are RAW. and RAW walnuts taste like SHIT.

FINALLY at 0604 hours. hello pipsqueaks, missed me?

 

0617 hours

i was trying to list my page in the member pages and i chanced upon their religion subcategory. and i see this long list of religions some of which i've never heard of before... but beside Islam, they politely placed i wasn't aware that they weren't aware of a 14 century old school of faith. they've got satanism, cao daism, santeria-ism, vedism, zoroastrianism. and then they've got scientology, agnosticism, new age and unitarian-universalism (whatever the hell ANY of that meant). but 14 centuries is apparently still rather .

I turned and in the most ordinary surroundings I saw for the first time a face I already knew I loved, and my friend stepped forth fully formed like Venus from the waves. - Alysabeth Clements, December 31st, 2001

0756 hours

that guy from blues clues on nickelodeon sure is cute. reminds me of a certain someone - puppy-dog sweet eyes, neat smart-boy hair. him being candy for the eyes makes watching him prance around in his striped green uniform, talking kid language to the screen, somewhat tolerable.

back to the | top |

saturday march 30th 0426 hours

<aMeL|e> cb la why do BOYS keep msging me
<aMeL|e> dont they do background checks first and see i'm in MELAYU20+ ?!
<matOpiate> cos u got a pretty nick?
<aMeL|e> knn
<ugLy> elo?
<ugLy> ah ok
<matOpiate> hahahahahahahahhahahahahahah
<ugLy> all never watch foreign films wan knn
<matOpiate> like that will work
* ugLy grumble like old woman
<ugLy> <YoungHunk> hi ugLy << WAH CB

spent an hour at the website of the day, which i stole off reds who stole off trev. so i thank reds, who i imagine, thanks trevor too.

<aMeL|e> k here's wot i've learnt growing up
<pAdi> wat
<aMeL|e> dating matures too. "sounding" pple out of the blue jus cos u tink they're pretty is stuff that only happens in sec sch
<pAdi> issit?
<pAdi> i do that wat
<aMeL|e> den u mat ah

<aMeL|e> what scares the shit out of me is the fact tt love addicts u to someone
<aMeL|e> thats fucking scary ballz
<pAdi> don't get ya
<pAdi> so u're saying..
<aMeL|e> thats my theory. when u fall in love, u'll wanna be everywhere wif the person
<aMeL|e> u grow dependent on their presence
<aMeL|e> the reason why break ups hurt is becos u're in cold turkey mode
<pAdi> oh
<pAdi> rite
<pAdi> i see
<pAdi> maybe u should give yerself some time off
<aMeL|e> some time off wot?
<pAdi> like a few years

 

the palatable duplex yummilicious maggie-finger food special!

utensils

ladle (plastic, wooden)
pan (plastic, wooden)
maggie (still in packaging)

*please note that the pan is an integral part of this recipe.

ingredients

maggie (still in packaging)
chilli/tomato ketchup

method

bring water in pan to boil. throw maggie in. stir maggie with ladle. stir for 5-7 straight minutes through hot, boiling steam. add maggie spices. stir some more for next 2 minutes. slosh in the chilli/tomato ketchup to taste. pour maggie onto bowl.

now, the second part of the maggie recipe is right in front of you! after 10 straight minutes of boiling steam, your fingers should have become pretty bloated and soft by now. sink your teeth into the tip of your index finger. if it pulls back to reveal pink flesh then it should be cooked!

the fun part of the palatable duplex yummilicious maggie-finger food special, is as you are eating your maggie, you can have fun dining on your sidedish by just chewing it off whenever! please note however, that the finger food special is highly depletable. after the meal, you will never be able to enjoy the use of those fingers again because obviously, they're happily digesting in your system. but! no worries! at least you had a snackalicious time at the dinner table! a moment that won't soon be forgotten at all!

this recipe is very very popular amongst elitist, high-flying, socialite families!

 

Lamentation of Disappointment

I am officially surrendering a written complaint declaring that Mister Hamdan Selamat of Life and Times of a Homebound King practises favouritism and should be punished for it. I hereby submit the following evidence for jury examination.

Evidence Number 1 (officially the only evidence so far but one that is very valid nonetheless)

On the left hand side of defendant's website, he lists a group of his so-called blogging friends. I am included in the list. However, I am referred to as a raisinbunbread, while his obvious favourites are referred to by their names.

I am sorely disappointed and aggrieved by Mister Hamdan's actions. I am requesting the jury hold him by his pants and demand he make the change either to my, or to the other two so that he may exercise his favouritism in less obvious ways.

I am recommending he rename one favourite "The Caffeinated Fix" and the other "The Jewish Wannabe Princess".

Thank you.

Yours sincerely,
Miss Raisin BunBread

i kinda always knew i had "borderline personality".

 

here's another religion for the bastards at geocities - confucius fabianism

<aMeL|e> ok lets trade ages then
<aMeL|e> u can be 22, and i'll be 18 again
<phabs> alrighty
<aMeL|e> howzat
<phabs> nice
* aMeL|e is 18 again now
<aMeL|e> see now if u're still interesed in we-shall-not-mention-names-here, the gap closer liao
<aMeL|e> 5 yrs oni
<phabs> haha
<aMeL|e> teeheehee
<phabs> i wish i was 22
<aMeL|e> yea when u're 22 u'll wanna be 18 again. its one of life's ironies
<aMeL|e> life has to be sarcastic tt way see
<phabs> what's in 18 that 22 has lost?
<phabs> tell me
<phabs> i wanna know
<aMeL|e> idealism
<aMeL|e> 4 whole fucking years
<aMeL|e> a life basically (cos most 22 yr olds are already full-time income earners)
<aMeL|e> some facial skin elasticity
<phabs> well idealism is only lost if you make it to be lost
<phabs> i'm sure you can find it hiding somewhere
<aMeL|e> knn eksyen confuscious this kid
<phabs> man who squat on toilet bowl.. high on pot

0846 hours

american bands overhype teenage melancholia by overplaying and commercialising alternative music centred around rebellion. do we seriously need more pre-pubescent american alternative? i thought the nightmare would end with blink-wats-their-face, but over the course of the last few months several more PPAABs have emerged like sum 41 and simple plan. they all sound the same, look the same and talk the same. so please stop preaching about individuality.

point_to_ponder of the day:- trendy anti-conformity

 

religion and philosophy are each other

<phabs> ana
<phabs> are you a religious person?
<phabs> (duh question)
<aMeL|e> lol
<aMeL|e> i'm not religious, but i have strong beliefs. i guess tt's the best way to describe me
<aMeL|e> <-- walking oxymoron
<phabs> i'm not decidedly religious too
<phabs> but religion decrees you to be, well.. religious
<aMeL|e> religion is a life's philosophy. and i choose to be able to choose when to follow it
<phabs> right
<aMeL|e> but in the meantime that dont mean i'm atheist. u know wot i mean rite
<phabs> yes
<aMeL|e> yup
<phabs> so you choose to believe in God whenever its convenient to do so?
<aMeL|e> nope. i believe in God all the time
<aMeL|e> but i dont practise submitting to him becos i dont wanna be a hypocrite
<phabs> how's that hypocritical?
<aMeL|e> ok, now i'm speaking as a muslim
<aMeL|e> see, when muslims submit, it is to seek forgiveness and all that right
<aMeL|e> but ytf ask forgiveness 5 times a day if u know u're jus gonna screw up again?
<aMeL|e> i'm not ready to be a straight edger
<phabs> but no one is a straight edger, ana
<phabs> not even the most religious muslim
<aMeL|e> ok lemme rephrase that
<aMeL|e> i'm not ready to try to be a straight edger
<phabs> in Christianity, we know we are going to sin, and we ask for forgiveness
<phabs> the joy for God is our realizing we've sinned and that we're trying our best to do good again
<phabs> and of cos, my thing is at this age, i don't really want to try to do good
<aMeL|e> exactly fabs
<aMeL|e> u nailed it right on the head
<aMeL|e> thats how i feel. i thnk its universal wif all youths
<aMeL|e> well, most youths anyway
<phabs> and right now, i'm trying to play the balancing act of being righteous and immoral
<phabs> cos' both are appealing
<phabs> immorality being more appealing
<phabs> i guess that's why i need God
<phabs> the balancing act is tiring
<phabs> i guess that's what made me turn away from Christianity, and look to philosophy etc. etc.
* aMeL|e nods
<aMeL|e> its always been a matter of choice. i guess the trick is not to keep looking back at your choices
<phabs> and i guess philosophers, (arguing from a Christian point of view) thought that balancing act was tiring too, and decided to make something that was like Christianity, but allowed for immorality
<aMeL|e> and that was philosophy?
<phabs> that's my deduction
* aMeL|e nods
<phabs> the invention of atheism, pantheism, etcism.. heh.
<aMeL|e> everyone's a philosopher u know, when u look at it
<phabs> of cos!
<phabs> reason is inherent in all of us. reason is what drives philosophy

1334 hours

Yeah she did it. Ana complained that I didn't refer to her by name on the left hand side bar list of blog fiends. In an attempt to avoid any legal entanglements and avoiding any liability of being sued, now EVERYONE on that list is referred to by name (italicised and capitalised for emphasis by author). - Satisfying The Mobs, Saturday March 30th 2002; Homebound King

VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!

the unfortunate cruel capitalist realities of running a free website

<Ferreteer> yeah..maybe we should start charging our 3 or 4 readers for coming to the site and read our stuff
<Ferreteer> let's make it 4 bucks per year...we make an annual profit of 16 bucks annually
<aMeL|e> 16 dorrars ar
<Ferreteer> 12 if there's only 3 readers
* aMeL|e thinks about wot to buy with 16 dorrars
<Ferreteer> 16 dollars is a lot....can buy 2 movie tickets on certain days
<Ferreteer> not including weekends
<aMeL|e> 16 dollars hor.. if add like 9 more dollars can go into china jump on saturday nights
<Ferreteer> eh quite true
<Ferreteer> 25 bucks divided by 4....
<aMeL|e> one sat night china jump for one year of work
<aMeL|e> not bad leh
<Ferreteer> okaylah...make it 6.50
<aMeL|e> hmmm
<Ferreteer> man...we would be living the life of luxury!
<Ferreteer> who would have thought that the son of Selamat could be so successful in business
<aMeL|e> 25 dorrars if add another 2875 dorrars can buy an ibook leh
<Ferreteer> eh quite true!
<aMeL|e> yea yea
<Ferreteer> 2900 divide by 4 is
<aMeL|e> uhm
<aMeL|e> how much ar my brain numb areadi
<Ferreteer> yeah we just charge them $725 per person
<aMeL|e> alright!
<Ferreteer> man we'd be so fucking stoked!
<aMeL|e> yayyyy
<aMeL|e> ibook here i comeeee

and the rest are just light comic-book, happy-family moments. enjoy~

<aMeL|e> my iq test at 5 revealed my iq to be 249
<aMeL|e> is so high my brain numbed itself to be on par wif normal people like u
<Ferreteer> iq tests dont reveal anything...i gave my dog the test at 3 months and he got 678
<aMeL|e> eh you got dog ar

<aMeL|e> eh i lost my thong sia
<aMeL|e> knn
<Ferreteer> TOO MUCH INFO
<aMeL|e> one day it was there the next day it isnt
<aMeL|e> knn
* aMeL|e looked everywhere
* aMeL|e didnt dare ask mama tho
<Ferreteer> baaah now all I ahve is images of your butt and a thong
<Ferreteer> why didnt you dare?
<aMeL|e> "mama nampak kakak nyer thong tak?" "AMENDA?!"
<Ferreteer> LOL
<Ferreteer> just tell them that's your headgear or sumthing
<Ferreteer> for the parchy, scorching sun
<aMeL|e> "thong la dia mcm suar dalam ah tapi bukan suar dalam dia acherly getah rambut"
<Ferreteer> hmm..if you wear it upside down on your head..it will look sorta like a tanjak
<aMeL|e> LOL
<aMeL|e> suuuuure hamdan
<Ferreteer> oh well...i did try to give you a way out
<aMeL|e> if ever a fren asks u to silat for his wedding.. and u jus dont HAVE the cash for a tanjak.. tt's an alternative
<Ferreteer> me silat?..pls....I'd be shagging the bride to be behind the curtains

back to the | top |

sunday march 31st 0255 hours

it always hurts me to wipe the slate clean. it's erasing that part of my life to make way for the new week. the past week's been saved under a completely new filename, available for when you click around the archives. still, the symbolism in a mundane task set in a 21st century night is more painfully ironic than it is merely routine. but the show must go on. well folks, enjoy this week's hogwash~

 

it sure's gonna be pretty hard to start that fire next morning.

oooh i'd like to apologise in advance because i do not foresee the normal array of no-pointness tonight, seeing as to how all my favourite chatters are offline. i get most my material from you (yea you know who you ares) and for that, many thanks. gee, i sure am in a giving mood tonight.

 

LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!!!!!!

aMeL|e the Depressed NTUC Checkout Counter Girl

<Amoruso> helo
<aMeL|e> hi
<Amoruso> hows it goin
<aMeL|e> not very well at all
<Amoruso> but y not
<aMeL|e> more of my hair's falling out
<aMeL|e> it's so thin now
<Amoruso> n y would tat b
<aMeL|e> i've been losing my hair for a few years now. i dont know why
<aMeL|e> now its so thin i wear hats when i go out
<Amoruso> mayb u should go to yu nam
<aMeL|e> i tried that a few weeks ago
<aMeL|e> but it doesn't seem to be doin anythin
<Amoruso> well mayb u should try e o'conner look eh?
<Amoruso> how bout n intro
<aMeL|e> no!
<aMeL|e> i dont want to be completely bald!
* aMeL|e panics
<Amoruso> :)
* aMeL|e is 22f
<aMeL|e> u?
<Amoruso> im 24
<Amoruso> so wat do u do for a livin
<aMeL|e> i'm a checkout girl for ntuc
<Amoruso> pasir ris?
<aMeL|e> nope
<aMeL|e> cant tell you. you're gonna check me out
<aMeL|e> then you'll see my thinning hair
<Amoruso> lol
<Amoruso> nothin to b ashamed of
<Amoruso> u r wat u r right
<aMeL|e> how would u like it if u were balding?
<Amoruso> i would like it fine
<aMeL|e> no u wouldnt
<aMeL|e> i hate this. why must it be me
<Amoruso> u have a pic
<aMeL|e> no!
<aMeL|e> you jus wanna check out how thin my hair is arent you
<Amoruso> nooo
<aMeL|e> sometimes guys make fun of me
<aMeL|e> when my hat is in the washer and i cant wear it.. and then i go to work guys make fun of me
<aMeL|e> cos i'm beginning to bald in the middle
<aMeL|e> and its horrible!!!!
<Amoruso> r u malay?
<aMeL|e> yes i am
<Amoruso> i really think u should b bald n make a statement
<aMeL|e> if i shave my head ntuc will fire me
<Amoruso> right
<aMeL|e> i dont have much money left. i dont think i can go for anymore treatments after yu nam
<aMeL|e> its very very expensive u know
<Amoruso> oic
<Amoruso> mayb u have a great body n tat will surely make up for it
<aMeL|e> no. i am a bit fat
<aMeL|e> i am fat and ugly and balding. which guy would want me
<Amoruso> go on a diet
<aMeL|e> i've tried before.
<Amoruso> wow u sure have problems dont u

aMeL|e the Disgruntled Elizabeth Arden Counter Girl

ana turns tri-linguist

<Ferreteer> eh...I'm offlah girl...wanna read, tafeikei then sleep
<Ferreteer> do get your rest alright
<bonn|e> wot is tafeikei?
<Ferreteer> wank in cantonese
<bonn|e> waaahhh
<bonn|e> i learn new word!!!